He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
