he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
