I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
