How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize