So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
