She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
