It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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