You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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