I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Is it penis luge time yet?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
