oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
