i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
