I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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