I think I am morally bankrupt
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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