OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
