Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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