somebody snuck up and got me drunk
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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