Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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