I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm bleeding and have questions
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
