i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The feeling are messing with the penis
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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