if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Acid is not a monday night drug
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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