i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
