so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
