So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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