We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
