your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
