Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
