im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
