my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize