This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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