Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
