Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
