oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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