we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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