I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
