Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
