There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
