You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
