Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
