We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
