The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
