Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
