WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
