i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
