So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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