Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize