so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
