if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
