Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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