I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
