mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
