I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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