Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
