I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just googled if crying burns calories
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
