mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
