Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This baby is an asshole
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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