I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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