2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
