I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
