I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
