Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
