is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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