i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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