Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
