you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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