Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
