Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
