like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
