Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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