Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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