Me. At least after what I've been through.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
