Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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