I can text with my tongue
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
