I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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