so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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