There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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