His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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