My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
