i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
