she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
