fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
