In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
only you would photoshop your dick
areolas are like halos for boobs.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
