Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
