i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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