FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
